I Am Trinity
You are Trinity-

You are Trinity, from "The Matrix."
Strong, beautiful- you epitomize the ultimate
heroine.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
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new me!
Written @ 7:15 PM on April 11, 2005

Where do I start off? Well, first of all with the basic facts. YUP, Alex and I broke up. Why? I really don't know why. He wanted the time off, and I gave it to him. I was the ONE who said, "okay, I think I need the time off as well. So it's over, and hopefully you'll be able to understand my decision." And what did he say? Nothing. No words were exchanged! *sighs* I do have to admit, it was hard...very hard. From all my past relationships this one hurted the most, however I cried the least. Why is that? Because I was used to getting hurt, and I was immune to it. I have been recovering from all the pain. We ended up being friends, which only lasted for a couple of weeks and then ENDED. Why? And again, I don't know. Well, I assume because of the rumors and gossips that were and still are going around at Target. From his point of view, he has been hearing bad things about me, and from my point of view, I have been hearing bad things about him. And the two different rumors have only ONE similar thing-->"sex". But that is too personal to write. But that's the past, and I want to leave it behind. I have no grudge with him, and I would like to let it go. But in order for me to do so, I can not be working in the same store with him. That is why I am really really yearning for that position at Target. My ideal solution would be to start talking to him but as friends only. And start off from scratch. And let the memories stay in the past. But that's only a dream. It would be impossible. Then again who knows, right?

Well, another thing is that I have changed my idea on a perfect dating style or relationship status. Instead of a committed relationship (ideally, boyfriend and girlfriend status), why not..."friends-with-benefits-deal"? Both are completely non-committed, and are still enjoying the each other's "fruit"(fun times, lol)! I don't want to seem as a slut or easy, but society works like that as well. Divorce rates have been sky-rocketing! More and more adultry are occuring every second. And there are less males in the world that are faithful. I mean, what are the chances of "us-women" of finding the "guy". Very low! Come on, men will be men. Men only want ONE thing, SEX! And then they go looking for some more. Alex even said it: Vero: "So my dad said that once men get tired of something and they find something better, they'll let go of it. Meaning, once they see another women that attracts them, they will let go of their current girlfriends. So is it true, Alex?" Alex: "He said that? Well, yeah its true". Crazy, huh? Wow, and I still continue being with him. That is why love does to you, it blinds you. ENTIRELY! The point is that NO ONE WOMEN WILL EVER EVER CHANGE A MEN! So if men are pigs why do women still think that they will change? They won't! They like to play games. And it is up to the women to play as well. To play it rough too! Women should stop being sissys and should start playing with their ovaries(lol)! Be strong, willing, a team player, and we will be able to win the games! Moreover, if we play with guys(friends-with-benefits-deal), we will both be playing with each other, which concludes a fair game for both! Don't you agree? Now, don't go looking for any random guy, make sure he's cute, funny, adorable, smart and a friend. And make sure he wants the same thing you want, the "fruit"!

So what have I been up to? Many things! Ever since the break up, I have been able to breathe easier. And ever since the "let's not be friends", I have been able to live better! I don't have to be worried about him. Looking in the bright side, we are both young and we need to date more people and have fun. I wasn't having fun with him. But now, things have changed. I can actually go out partying without having to worry about my significant other. I don't have to explain why I didn't call, why I wasn't in my room at a certain time, who I was with, who I danced with and etc.,. Living the single life is beautiful, makes me feel younger! I have gone out more then I have ever done before. I have met so many people, so many guys, and hot ones too! However, there are two guys that I have become attracted to. BUT, I will not try anything with them, because I would be a hyprocrite if I do so. Remember, "friends-with-benefits-deal"! hehe So I will remain quiet! But I feel the need to tell my friends about them, well, they only know one of them, but not the other one. But I don't know how to tell them. Especially because I have done something with the other one that they don't know about. I feel like I'm making a big deal about this, because I don't want to have a relationship only a "friends-with-benefits-deal". But do they? What should I do? Should I say something? I should! I need their advice! ARRRGGG, why is it so hard for me to tell them? Maybe because they might be very surprised! Okay, enough whinning! I should really get back to reading and listening to my music!

still |on my| mind